that that don't kill me...

music: Innerpartysystem
mood: i'll get back to you on that one.
reading: brisingr by christopher paolini

urgh.
i know i haven't updated this. to tell the truth, i can't be bothered.

i'm going to jump right into this.

well, a friend has just been pretty much lecturing me about how i don't sleep much then complain about how tired i am the next day. well, first off, i complain a lot. even at home, i will find something to complain about. i guess i just like bitching and moaning. so shoot me.
she then went on to say this:

"ur always on the computer, the only reason to stay awake is so u cn b on the computer get off it and there is no reason to stay awake and "even when i'm in bed i can't get to sleep" is no excuse,even though u may not be sleeping, u are resting which is better than being awake with youreyes glued to ur fuckin pc"

okay, so she may have a point, but the thing is i've gotten pretty much addicted to my computer ever since i first got internet (which was about 3 years ago.). i found stuff online that helped me escape the pressures of real life, such as playing RPGs (AdventureQuest, DragonFable), roleplaying, reading webcomics, watching anime... you get the idea. it was an escape, especially during the time when my dad left and we found out about some of the things he did. (not going to go into detail.)

i guess i've become dependant on it. during school i want to go home so i can go on the computer. yeah, it's that bad, and as a result my real life social life has pretty much become non-existant. sure, i have a few friends, but i cling to them so much because i'm so bad at making new friends that i end up fighting with them all the time. i'm a shy person, i find it hard to connect with people, so when someone ends up ditching me, i feel lost.

I am trying to join the local youth club, so i can make more friends, but knowing the way i am, i'm still going to find it difficult. sometimes i wish i had a phsycaiatrist or something, just to talk to about what's going through my head and such, as i find it hard to bring up certain topics with my mum. hell, i ended up having a total meltdown before i told my mum how much i wanted to have a boyfriend. which is a lot, by the way. but the thing is, if i can't even talk to my mother openly, how can i expect to open up to a total stranger? well, probably retty easily. i have no trouble making a total fool of myself in public, probably because i know that the liklihood of me seeing them again is pretty slim.

or maybe i can just open up on this. it's pretty easy for me, typing things out rather than saying them. that probably why i almost always argue over msn or text. and i don't know if anyone is going to read this. though if my mother chanced upon it, that'd be pretty awkward...

urgh, i don't know, i just feel like a cocktail of emotions right now... gahh... so confuseddd...

by the way, i have a twitter account, which i update waaay more often than this. find it here.

urgh

music: forever the sickest kids, foxboro hot tubs
mood: depressed and elated
reading: eldest still and kerrang!

God, I actually feel depressed.
My mother happened to have one of my old school photos from year 5 or 6... and the only thing bad about it is that my teeth are all wonky. I mean, my hair used to be reeeeeally long. In the photo it doesn't even fit in the whole picture!! click to see piccy
I really want my hair long again. Hence the reason I'm trying to get hair extensions put in. You know, the ones that last for like 3 months.

However, I might be going to Give It A name on both the 18th and 19th of April.
Enter Shikari, The Blackout, The Academy Is..., Taking Back Sunday, Underoath, Thursday, Escape The Fate... *squeals* AND I might also be going to Download 2009. Slipknot are headlining one of the days, and at the moment theirs also The Prodigy, Motley Crue, Korn, Pendulum, Dragonforce and Devil Driver who will be playing.

Also, my mother's wanker of a boss has left, so hopefully she'll be able to work again. yayness.

Options evening was today as well. And I got my school report. I feel like such a nerd, I got an overall good report except for in RS, but I'm only taking the madatory short course in year 10&11 so I'm okay. :3 and with the way the options blocks have been set out, I can take all of the subjects I want (German, Expressive Arts, Drama, Graphic Art) and I have one slot free. I'm torn between Music, Geography and History. But then, I'm taking guitar lessons in year 10,I just need to talk to De La Boring, Kitey and Morton to see whether I should carry on with History, Geography or Music. Well, I've got music tomorrow, so I can ask my teacher then. Just have to wait after the holidays for the other two.
I wonder if american schooling is this complicated??

I've also finally decided to read the massive pile of Kerrang! issues that have been accumulating since October 25th. That was when I was still friends with HAK. lol. So, I've read one of them, so 1 down, 14 more to go XD

and i'm happy because my new surrealist picture for the project is actually halfway decent. I completely ruined my old one, so I gave up and started again XD
Good Thing the deadline was extended to after the holidays, eh? It's a flower growning upside-down, pretty much. The roots are up in the air whilst the rest of it which it normally above ground in growing underground. so are the dodgy weed-like plants i painted next to it XD

Friday 13th tomorrow... whoo.

~ Shandy

well..... yeeeeaaah...

music: drop dead, gorgeous
reading: eldest

I've been neglecting this... meh. I was busy; my brother had his 18th, I've re-started roleplaying after stopping for, like, a year :3 AND I took part in a cosplay competition. I cosplayed Shia from Pita-Ten and Nina cosplayed Haruhi from The Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya




I've got to read Eldest and Brisingr by the 4th March D: and I'm choosing my options soon. and we've had snow days, I was at school for two days last week off for three days.
Just one more week until Half-Term :D and I do believe a cat was stalking me on Thursday.

Do you like my drawings of Hishiro and Ichigo from Bleach?







~Shandy

And another thing...

Listening To: Metro Station, Cobra Starship, Flyleaf, Silverstein, Story Of The Year, Tokio Hotel

Typical. Perri isn't online when she should be -_-.

I've been doing some drawing during the holidays, and this is my wolf with a dodgy head:


It's unfinished so hopefully I'll be able to fix the head.

Then there's my melting bottle with a rainbow snake wrapped around it (it's for a surrealist art project):



Ignore the brown on the left, it's a retarded half-dead tree I might or might now add (I need a background for it as well)
And I don't have a scanner so I had to use my phone camera :S

Critiques welcome :)

~ Shandy

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring, BANANAPHONE

Mood: Mildly annoyed
Listening To: Flyleaf, Madina Lake, Silverstein, Story Of The Year

lol, Perri reminded me that I hadn't blogged for a bit, so.... there we go...

Back to school, how fun, right? not really :L

Rest of the holidays I did fuck all (as usual). I mostly watched movies, and I have ABBA songs in my head because my mother will.not.stop. playing the Mamma Mia! soundtrack over, and over, and over, and over again -_-... Someone shoot me now.
Talking of mothers, mine might be going back to work sometime next week, after not being there for almost two months.
And on the 9th (I think) I won't've seen or talked to my dad for a whole year... lol

I know there's something else I wanted to write about... but I've forgotten :/... no wait, i remember, pamela gave me my christmas present yesterday, bit late, hm?

And I'm wearing my glasses pretty much all the time now, as opposed to occasionally when my head starts hurting. Not good, 'secially as my eyesight's actually got worse since my last appointment. AND I'm getting my braces removed (maybe) in February =D

Anything else? No idea... Oh yeah, my computer keeps coming up with a message to install automatic updates and trying to restart. YOU CAN INSTALL THEM WHEN I TURN MY COMPUTER OFF MOTHERFUCKER!! (this is why I'm mildly pissed off)

Comments make me happy :] and mean that I'll most likely post more often.

I'm sad that I've been doing brain training every. single. fucking. day since I got it. LOL

Banana Phone!



~ Shandy

Heh ^^;

Mood: Tired?
Listening To: Cute Is What We Aim For, Cobra Starship, Story Of The Year, Tokio Hotel

heh heh ^^;
I really need to stick to posting every day... That's one of my new years' resolutions.

My Birthday was fun, got breakfast in bed... opened my presents, on computer for a bit, then saw Twilight, which isn't as bad than people make it out to be, but not exactly omgwtfbbqgbriugbfantastic.

New Years Eve i was at Nina's for most of the day, then i just slept there... We were switching between her computer and tv, and then popped 4 party poppers each all in one go, which was... Quite noisy. XD We also squirted loads of silly string everywhere, which was fun but annoying because they didn't really work.
That was the first time I've celebrated New Years without my family...

>And on new years day I tried to unicycle. I cycled about 50cm then fell off XD
I left around 7:30pm... I went to hers at around 2pm on the 31st, and was going to leave sometime in the evening, but ended up spending around an extra 24 hours there.... haha.

My new years' resolutions:
1) post in this every day
2) exercise more
3) lose weight
4) think more before opening my trap
5) be more organised

Craaap

Mood: Energetic
Listening To: Linkin Park

Heh, forgot to update two days in a row ^^;... Well, more like I haven't had the time... LOL

So, Saturday, I did fuck all as usual, slept in 'til 12 and then did computery stuff. I also had this argument with people I didn't even know and where apparently older than me. The whole thing was pretty pathetic to be honest. I also watched one of Jimmy Carr's shows, he's quite funny, but no match compared to Russell <3.
I'm also trying to watch my brother's Jackass boxset. I've watched series 1, but I've been putting off watching series 2. Why? I mean, Johnny Knoxville gets kicked in the bollocks for fucks sake!

And Today? Well, technically yesterday, (1am at time of writing) I slept in late AGAIN, then we went to visit some friends, which mostly involved the adults and my older brother talking, my other brother and their only son hanging out together (that sounds wrong lol) playing on their ps3 while me and the girls hung out in the living room watching tv and doing hair an make up... and me playing on the DS ^^;
We left at around midnight, we got there around 3... My mum talks A LOT. When we were in a car my brother pointed out that it was 2 minutes to midnight... Cue me singing (quite badly) the chorus of the song by Iron Maiden, lol, how sad.

Everyone except me are asleep now, I'm not tired, must be all the sleeping I've done recently...

In about 26 hours I've been outside in the world for 14 years... Thats... kinda scary...

~ Shandy.